Reverence and romance

I cannot emphasize enough how important I find it to pray regularly with my girlfriend. Without fail, whenever we go too many days without praying together, we have an argument. Usually the arguments are about little things, but because we're both more sensitive people, they seem very big to us, and can be very painful.

Also without fail, whenever we pray together after having had such an argument, it dramatically heals our relationship. It is truly miraculous, in my opinion, how consistent this pattern seems to be. You would think that we would learn and not let very many - if any - days pass without praying together, though.

I particularly enjoy "affectionate prayer," with my girlfriend. Meaning simply that we sit close, hold hand, or I put my arm around her, or we are in a hugging position more or less. As Catholics we know that posture sends a spiritual message, that's why it's so important when we celebrate the Mass. Kneeling with clasped hands is good, but it's not the only way to go.

I find that a "affectionate" prayer posture is really good for my girlfriend and I. The spiritual message it sends, in my opinion, is that we are comfortable bring God fully into our relationship with each other, and that we are comfortable bring each other into our relationship with God. It also send the message that we want our emotional and physical intimacy to reflect our spiritual intimacy, and vice versa. Obviously, this "intimacy," in all its forms, needs to be kept appropriate to our state in life (not married) - and it is.

I also find it important that we be ourselves, spiritually speaking, in prayer. We are both devout Catholics, of course, but we have different backgrounds and different dominant spiritualities. I'm a convert, and she's a cradle-Catholic who has always had a strong faith. My beliefs are much more in my head, wheareas hers are more so in her heart (which I tremendously admire). Also, I'm charismatic, and more conservatively traditional than she is.

It's an interesting mix, but it works well for us because we both have the same foundation of Catholic orthodoxy, have a similar level of committment to our faith, and respect the difference of the other person.

It's a bit hard to describe how it is that we let one another be ourselves spiritually together, The only example I can really think of is that she is okay when I want to pray in tongues. Indeed, she encourages me to do so with her because she knows that when I don't, there's a good chance I'm not really entering more deeply into prayer. I guess the chief way I support her is not presuring her to become who and what I am spiritually. There are other things, but they are either hard to put in to words, or are a touch too private for the internet.

This post has become a bit wider in scope than I originally anticipated, but I'll go for it.

Attending Mass together regularly is extremely important for us. This may be a better example of my supporting her in who she is. Most weeks, I would probably prefer to attend Mass at the nearby charismatic parish, whreas my girlfriend would rather attend Mass at our student parish at our university - and that's where we go most weeks. Sometimes I go to the other parish, and she does go with me many of those times, though sometimes I go by myself.

We are also both leaders in a student Bible study group at our student parish, and there are tons of opportunities for spiritual growth in that. Leading together can be a challenge at times, we usually don't directly lead together one-on-one, but sometimes we do. I really think that we have improved in our ability to lead together as time has gone by, and can imagine our team-leading in some parish ministry or lay apostolate someday, perhaps a religious education class for children, or an informal adult bible study group or something.

Anyways, it's great to have a relationship with a girl that is part of my relationship with Jesus, and vice versa. Prayer is absolutely key though, I cannot emphasize that enough.